I'm still reeling from Grandpa's death. Which isn't a surprise, since it's been less than a week. Emotions are surging through me like crazy--one minute I'm okay, the next I'm sobbing, the next I'm okay again. It's all textbook grief, I'm sure.
There are two things that keep surprising me, though. The first is that I'm so shocked. I mean, he was 89 years old, had metastatic lung cancer (though he never smoked) and already had heart problems. We all knew his days were numbered. That's just common sense. But he wasn't sick. He wasn't sick-LY. He was fine on Sunday. Good, even. And okay on Monday. By Tuesday he started a slow decline, Wednesday he was bad, and Thursday evening he was gone. It happened so fast. Which is a great blessing because he didn't suffer and his death was peaceful. That makes it easier, I guess, to accept the DEATH. But still, I feel so unprepared for the aftermath.
Which brings me to this. We had no unfinished business. There are no words left unsaid. I don't feel like I could have done more or better for him. I have no regrets. Everyone keeps telling me I should feel good about that. But I don't. I think I feel worse because of it. There are no "what ifs" to ponder, nothing lingering to do. Our chapter is just closed. And that hurts.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
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3 comments:
Megan, I completely understand. I lost my grandmother this past October, and (same thing) while we knew that the end was close, it's still hard to accept what is and what has happened. So, I hear you! I suppose it's normal. <> - Rhonda
p.s. That "<>" contained a hug.
Thanks, Rhonda. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, too. A <> back to you.
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